***The name in this story has been changed to protect the privacy of the individual.***
Donna came to me for a coaching session one fall afternoon. She was in her mid 50’s and divorced after spending 14 years in an abusive marriage. Deeply struggling with her identity in her middle aged life and depressed, she had been doing her best to raise her 19 year old daughter on her own for the past 8 years. In her relationship with her daughter she had been experiencing a great deal of resistance. This left Donna at a loss on how to mend their relationship. Also questioning where she was at in her relationship with God, she was seeking direction on the steps she should take to heal these areas and move forward with her life. The exercise I chose in that session was for her to use any materials she saw in the arena to construct an "alleyway" represented her life. She had materials such as cones, barrels, buckets, tarps and ground poles to choose from. She placed two rows of ground poles in the arena and evenly spaced 3 cones down the center of her alleyway. At the time, she did not wish to disclose what the cones represented, however, she did label them in order from left to right “G”, “M”, and “S”.
3 horses stood loose with no halters in the arena facing out of the gate towards the pasture. I asked Donna to take as many horses through her alleyway as many times as she felt comfortable. Her only limitation was that she was not allowed to use a halter or lead rope to complete the task. In the beginning she commented that what I had asked of her seemed impossible. I assured her that there were many ways to accomplish her goals. She shrugged her shoulders, let out a defeated sigh, and walked over to the horses. She didn't pay much attention to the first two horses and quickly directed her attention to the small light brown mustang mare. She approached quickly and threw her arms around the horses’ neck. Donna spent quite some time pulling on the little horse. It seemed the harder she would pull, the more the mare would resist. After about fifteen minutes of no progress, she then walked around to the hind end and began to push. Through a long process and a combination of pushing and pulling, over halfway through the session she managed to finally get the little mare to enter her alleyway from the side where the “S’ cone sat. Once they reached the “G” cone the mare immediately braced her feet into the dirt and refused to go any further. After a few minutes, the horse turned and walked out of the alleyway and back over to her heard mates by the gate. All three turned their attention back to the horses grazing outside pasture.
Donna immediately knelt in the dirt and broke down crying. “This is such a reflection of my life.” she sobbed. After she sat with the outcome for a few minutes, I asked how she thought the horses felt about what just happened. She didn't say anything, but it seemed as though something in her had shifted and as she stood up I noticed a half grin on her face. Donna once again approached the small light brown mare. She threw her arms around the horses’ neck, but this time in a much different fashion. She hugged that little mare for what seemed like a very long time. She softly caressed the horses’ neck and gently ran her fingers through its mane. When the tears that gently rolled off her cheeks ended, she let go of the horses’ neck. She turned away from all three horses and stood tall with her shoulders back. After pausing just a moment to take a deep breath, she started off towards her alleyway. Without missing a beat the mustang mare along with the two other horses fell into a perfect formation behind her and marched without hesitation. This time Donna entered the alleyway through the end with the cone she labeled “G”. With Donna in the lead she and all three of the horses made several trips through her alleyway without an ounce of hesitation.
Donna returned to the corner of the arena where I was standing with a smile on her face like a child that had just received a gold medal. Before I had the chance to speak, this is what she said:
The first time I approached the horse I was forceful with it, just like I am with my daughter. I always think I know best and get frustrated when she doesn't listen. But I realize the harder I pull, the more resistance I will get. I need to show love and compassion, I need to lead by example…and with confidence. That is when she will follow me at will. Now the “S” cone represented my daughter Sarah, and the “M” cone represents me because I always feel as though I am stuck in the middle. The “G” cone represents God. While he is in my life, I always seem to put him last. The first time I went through my Alleyway I put Sarah and myself before God and I got nothing but struggle. It really took me letting go, showing compassion, trusting in myself, and putting God first to allow everything to fall perfectly in place. From that point on it was no longer a struggle.
I believe there are many metaphors that can be taken from this scenario. What stood out to me the most was the moment the shift took place. So much of our body language is attached to and a mirror of our subconscious blocks. When we clear our barriers on a deeper level, the rest of our body aligns with the shift, thus projecting our new way of thinking out to those around us and ultimately effecting they way we are perceived by others. I would love to hear from my readers what metaphors you took away from reading about this session.
Donna came to me for a coaching session one fall afternoon. She was in her mid 50’s and divorced after spending 14 years in an abusive marriage. Deeply struggling with her identity in her middle aged life and depressed, she had been doing her best to raise her 19 year old daughter on her own for the past 8 years. In her relationship with her daughter she had been experiencing a great deal of resistance. This left Donna at a loss on how to mend their relationship. Also questioning where she was at in her relationship with God, she was seeking direction on the steps she should take to heal these areas and move forward with her life. The exercise I chose in that session was for her to use any materials she saw in the arena to construct an "alleyway" represented her life. She had materials such as cones, barrels, buckets, tarps and ground poles to choose from. She placed two rows of ground poles in the arena and evenly spaced 3 cones down the center of her alleyway. At the time, she did not wish to disclose what the cones represented, however, she did label them in order from left to right “G”, “M”, and “S”.
3 horses stood loose with no halters in the arena facing out of the gate towards the pasture. I asked Donna to take as many horses through her alleyway as many times as she felt comfortable. Her only limitation was that she was not allowed to use a halter or lead rope to complete the task. In the beginning she commented that what I had asked of her seemed impossible. I assured her that there were many ways to accomplish her goals. She shrugged her shoulders, let out a defeated sigh, and walked over to the horses. She didn't pay much attention to the first two horses and quickly directed her attention to the small light brown mustang mare. She approached quickly and threw her arms around the horses’ neck. Donna spent quite some time pulling on the little horse. It seemed the harder she would pull, the more the mare would resist. After about fifteen minutes of no progress, she then walked around to the hind end and began to push. Through a long process and a combination of pushing and pulling, over halfway through the session she managed to finally get the little mare to enter her alleyway from the side where the “S’ cone sat. Once they reached the “G” cone the mare immediately braced her feet into the dirt and refused to go any further. After a few minutes, the horse turned and walked out of the alleyway and back over to her heard mates by the gate. All three turned their attention back to the horses grazing outside pasture.
Donna immediately knelt in the dirt and broke down crying. “This is such a reflection of my life.” she sobbed. After she sat with the outcome for a few minutes, I asked how she thought the horses felt about what just happened. She didn't say anything, but it seemed as though something in her had shifted and as she stood up I noticed a half grin on her face. Donna once again approached the small light brown mare. She threw her arms around the horses’ neck, but this time in a much different fashion. She hugged that little mare for what seemed like a very long time. She softly caressed the horses’ neck and gently ran her fingers through its mane. When the tears that gently rolled off her cheeks ended, she let go of the horses’ neck. She turned away from all three horses and stood tall with her shoulders back. After pausing just a moment to take a deep breath, she started off towards her alleyway. Without missing a beat the mustang mare along with the two other horses fell into a perfect formation behind her and marched without hesitation. This time Donna entered the alleyway through the end with the cone she labeled “G”. With Donna in the lead she and all three of the horses made several trips through her alleyway without an ounce of hesitation.
Donna returned to the corner of the arena where I was standing with a smile on her face like a child that had just received a gold medal. Before I had the chance to speak, this is what she said:
The first time I approached the horse I was forceful with it, just like I am with my daughter. I always think I know best and get frustrated when she doesn't listen. But I realize the harder I pull, the more resistance I will get. I need to show love and compassion, I need to lead by example…and with confidence. That is when she will follow me at will. Now the “S” cone represented my daughter Sarah, and the “M” cone represents me because I always feel as though I am stuck in the middle. The “G” cone represents God. While he is in my life, I always seem to put him last. The first time I went through my Alleyway I put Sarah and myself before God and I got nothing but struggle. It really took me letting go, showing compassion, trusting in myself, and putting God first to allow everything to fall perfectly in place. From that point on it was no longer a struggle.
I believe there are many metaphors that can be taken from this scenario. What stood out to me the most was the moment the shift took place. So much of our body language is attached to and a mirror of our subconscious blocks. When we clear our barriers on a deeper level, the rest of our body aligns with the shift, thus projecting our new way of thinking out to those around us and ultimately effecting they way we are perceived by others. I would love to hear from my readers what metaphors you took away from reading about this session.
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